The Reality Behind Altruism

I realize my last post was not nearly as satirical as it should've been. Perhaps I'm taking myself too seriously. Oh well. Hopefully I will redeem myself.

You disgust me. You really really do. So I wake up this morning with Strep Throat, and turn the dial to 98.5 to listen to my favorite radio show, Rob, Arney and Dawn in the morning. I hear something faint about Haiti, but I'm too busy trying to get the razorblades out of my throat to really listen. Turns out, some sort of tragic earthquake occured in Haiti. And I'm not gonna lie, I only know it was an earthquake because I took a quick peek at Wikipedia before typing this up. All I really knew, before deciding the universe needed another dose of pessimism, was that a tragedy had occured in Haiti.
What disgusts me is the pretentiousness of you people. Everyone suddenly gives a fuck about Haiti because it's getting some international news coverage. I log in to my Facebook account to find over 9000 invites for groups to help 'save Haiti'. There are several things wrong with this. I will attempt to list them, calmly.

1. There is always some sort of tragedy going on, and the fact that your head can be turned so quickly and so exclusively towards Haiti only proves that you are slaves to the media.

2. You probably know just as much information as I do, or possibly less (and I know next to nothing).

3. You think that a Facebook group will save Haiti.

4. See #3

5. You probably don't know where Haiti is.

6. In a month you will have forgotten all about this.

7. You somehow think sympathy for a suffering person makes you comparable to Jesus Christ.

My heart goes at to all those who are suffering in Haiti, it really does. But please, universe, lets not get all up our own ass with preachy altruism. Altruism as we would like to define it, does not exist anywhere, save in the hearts of a few saints (i.e. Mother Teresa). The majority of people use altruism as a mask for some sort of self therapy. A pat on the back, if you will. HEY EVERYBODY, LOOK AT ME, I'M HELPING! Celebrities do this shamelessly, average people do it more discreetly, but few ever do it genuinly. Do me a favor, if you actually care about the human race, care about it all the time, not just during major natural disasters.